Save Your Marriage By Having A Faith

by Wink on June 29, 2010

Light My PathI grew up in the Philippines. It was very different than living in the US. Many things were different including closets. Most walk in closets in the US have a switch by the door to turn on the light. All three of our bedrooms had walk in closets with a light in the center, but instead of a switch there was a string on the light to pull and when pulled, the light came on.

Sometimes this was rather inconvenient, especially at night when everything was dark and you couldn’t see the string. I’d walk into the closet with my hand straight out in front of me, waving it back and forth hoping to feel the string. I kept moving deeper into the closet until I would brush the string, grab it and pull. The light came on and everything could be seen.

I once heard someone say that faith was like searching for a light string in a dark closet. You know the string is there, even if you can’t see it. You will persist because you know its there.

A marriage is much the same. Often marriages get focused on the individual needs of the husband or the wife. When that happens the focus becomes selfish and self serving. In a good marriage a husband and wife will partner together to find the “light string” that fills their marriage with the stuff that makes it work. They will sit down and together commit to pursuing it through good communication and common goals for their family.

Cover of

Cover of The Karate Kid (Special Edition)

Some marriages don’t find the “light string” until much later, 15 or 20 years after the “I dos.” Faith is keeping at it, and knowing that a good marriage does exist.

In the first Karate Kid, through a series of seemingly unrelated chores that Miyagi sets out for Daniel, polishing his cars, cleaning the wooden deck, and painting the fence, the teenager learns discipline and earns Miyagi’s trust and affection. It isn’t long before Mr. Miyagi demonstrates how these simple tasks are powerful karate moves, and Daniel becomes exceptionally good at learning about balance, both in life and in karate.

The same is true in marriage. Have faith that the tough stuff of life, over time, will help you find the “light string,” and when you pull it… everything will make sense.

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Save Your Marriage By Being Illogical

by Wink on June 2, 2010

I don’t know if you were a fan of Star Trek, the original one from the ’60s that had the famous trio, Kirk, Spock, and McCoy. I would always enjoy them getting into a tight spot and Captain Kirk would propose something really “off-the-wall” as a solution. When he did, you could always count on Spock to say, “Captain, that is highly illogical.” And we would all chuckle knowing that even though Spock was right about it being illogical, it was probably going to work.

When it comes to saving your marriage, life isn’t the starship Enterprise; playing the dispassionate Mr. Spock not only cuts you off from your feelings but also subtly tells your spouse that his or her feelings don’t count either.

In an article by Jocelyn Noveck,

Al and Tipper Gore are a famous political couple, but their split after 40 years of marriage apparently stemmed from a much simpler, more mundane cause, according to friends: They simply grew apart. And in that, experts say, they’re no different from many Americans. Such late-marriage splits are much more common than we think.

“We tend to mistakenly believe that once people reach a certain point in marriage, they just stop splitting up,” says Betsey Stevenson, an economist at the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School who studies family trends. “But that’s simply not true.” In fact, Stevenson says, though marriages are more likely to fail in the first 10 years, once you get past that, “the percentage of those divorcing each year is very similar throughout the years of marriage.”

Of course, there’s no getting around the shock factor surrounding the separation announcement by the Gores, which came in an e-mail Tuesday to friends. Unlike many political couples, they’d spoken openly of their feelings for each other and seemed to share an easy affection, not to mention four children and three grandchildren.

That affection was apparent even without The Kiss — the go-for-broke liplock between the vice president and his wife at the 2000 Democratic convention that made so many blush, and is probably doing so again, on YouTube. Was it impulsive or calculated? Either way, it was still quite a kiss.

Here is a marriage that had endured 40 years of the some of the worst circumstances that could happen. And to say that “we simply grew apart,” doesn’t really cut it for me. We know from history that Tipper was a very passionate woman. We also know that Al Gore was probably one of the most passionless campaigners in recent election history. SNL parodies were filled with his wooden style of speaking… overtly logical and programmed.  I can’t help but think in the later years Tipper just got tired of Al’s calculated approach to everything.

In marriage, there are times, many times when passion needs to be the order of the day. The freedom to share passion and it not be discounted because of circumstance, finances, or reality must become normal in any relationship. It is that kind of passion that will bring creativity into solving many marital dilemmas. It is that kind of passion that says, “I love you and I accept you.” And it is that kind of passion and sharing that kind of passion that will save your marriage.

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