Some say that a relationship grows only when both parties are working together for its success. However, some also believe that a holy union between two people would never be broken if only one of the parties was committed to its longevity. As these opposing views continue to clash against each other, from my own experience I can safely say that even though it will be an uphill battle, one spouse can save a marriage through persistence and unending love.
If your partner is losing interest about fixing your troubled marriage, do not feel hopeless. If you are determined to save your marriage and revive your old chemistry with your spouse, there is hope. Here are some tips that you should consider if you are planning to save your marriage and break the negative self-reinforcing cycles of divorce.
Be calm and assess the situation – Once your partner tells you that a divorce is the only way that your marriage problems can be resolved, keep your composure. The best thing to do is to assess the situation and talk to your partner. Ask your spouse why he or she wants a divorce, and listen to your partner’s response. Don’t interrupt, don’t justify, just listen and listen with your heart. Own up to your failures that contributed to your spouse’s pain. They may realize, maybe for the first time, that what brought you together may be worth saving.
Try persuasion – Try convincing your spouse that a divorce is not the solution when it comes to fixing your marriage. Help them understand that filing a divorce could make matters worse by hurting your precious children. Suggest visiting a marriage counselor first. See if your spouse will agree to a period of time in counseling before beginning divorce proceedings.
Give your spouse some space – If your partner wants a trial separation, respect his or her decision. While taking some time alone to think through the pros and cons of your relationship can be beneficial, don’t loose all contact during this period. Being available and understanding can go a long way toward a successful reconciliation.
Protect yourself and your children – Try to stay positive not entertain negative thoughts and feelings during this tough situation. Engage in productive activities with your children. Don’t talk with them about the problems that you have been experiencing in your marriage. Think of how they might blame either themselves or each other if Mom and Dad separate.
Stay motivated – Fighting for your marriage can be discouraging. It may become difficult to stay motivated and give up. As was previously mentioned, considering how your children could be affected by a divorce can be one of your best motivations for saving your marriage.
Be confident – Be confident you can do this. If you start doubting a positive outcome, think of others who were able to save their relationships instead of giving up. Always answer the question, “Can one spouse save a marriage?” with a confident “yes!”
Nothing is impossible, especially if you are determined to save your family from the negative cycles of divorce. Have faith in yourself and do everything you can to start saving your marriage now.
Lee Baucom, Ph.D. has been a consultant for Dateline NBC and has been featured in national magazines for his unique and effective approach to saving marriages. His best selling e-book “Save Your Marriage Today” can guide you through the difficulties of trying to save your marriage when your spouse has given up. If you are ready to save your marriage click on this link and you will be taken to more information about Dr. Baucom’s book and an order link. — wf
